I thought that as a social worker I had become accustomed (and quite good at) self-reflecting critically on my experiences, reactions, biases, limitations, skills and strengths. Quite proud of how self-aware (I thought) I was. Believing I was adept at taking criticisms on board and turning them into strengths. I was confident. Not so arrogant that I couldn’t see my own areas for improvement, just confident enough to know that growth and change and learning are all part of the journey.
And then I started trying to build my own business
Well, let me tell you, the demons, the doubts and the unchecked beliefs formed in childhood and adolescence, really let themselves be known. All of a sudden I had almost no confidence. “Everyone is going to think this is a stupid idea.” “Who am I to attempt this?” Could I effectively self reflect? No way. There was no room for evaluation. Just plain old fear taking up all the available airway. I had to start to figure out where this business fear was coming from. I had to start applying those self-reflection skills I had prided myself on as a social worker. It was either that or quit.
Where had it come from?
Growing up in a working-class family, ment business and making money was sometimes misinterpreted as greed. I found myself undervaluing my work, my knowledge and my unique skill set because I let this old belief go unchecked for far too long. It was time to start asking myself, how might I do things differently if I really valued my own skills and experience?
The fear “validated”
I also began to realise that my fear of sales came from a fear and distrust of salespeople within myself. A vivid memory of being politely let go from a summer holiday job selling maths textbooks in the mall. I had a strong and profound belief (aged 16) that quite literally every person I sold a textbook to was actually far too poor to afford it and that it would be my fault if their children didn’t eat that week.
Self-reflection in writing
Incredibly, it is only now as I type this that I realise how misguided (and utterly inaccurate) this strongly held conviction was. Unsurprisingly, I was was so bad at the job that they asked me not to come back! How did 16 year old me interpret this? Well, of course, they let me go, I wasn’t duping enough people into buying! And there that belief sat, unchecked, for the next 18 years.
Salespeople are just trying to dupe innocent people!
Forgetting the good
Never-mind the many positive purchasing experiences I’d been the recipient of. Never-mind the friends and family, good people all of them, I’d seen take up roles in sales, business and marketing. None of that because 16
The cost of holding on
Realising now that while I’m sitting here, full of self-doubt and fear, letting my inner adolescent take control of my business, the people I could really help are missing out. The people who could see the value in my services and have their lives change for the better are not getting that opportunity. I owe it to them and myself to keep striving to build this business. 16-year-old Nicole is once again fired from a sales role. But this time 34-year-old Nicole is stepping up to take her place.
AJ’s Note: Take the time to do some self-reflection, find out where your fears are coming from and if they are serving you now. Self-reflection can be quite cathardic but is well worth it to let go of what is holding you back. Try a 1:1 for a guided braindump to get you started.
Guest Blog Bio: Nicole Sattler – Run 2 Wellbeing
A Running Coach with a Masters in Social Work. Years of various counselling roles (including survivors of trauma) & a love of running made Nicole become a champion for running as a mental health & wellness tool.
With multiple Half Marathons, Marathons & an Ulta Marathon under her belt, she is practising what she preaches.
Nicole lives in Sunny Hawke’s Bay, with husband Mark and their 3 children.