How Your Values Develop

Growing up you had them instilled in you, either on purpose or just the accepted norm. These windows we see life through may have come from religion, trusted adults, media, peers, etc. But collectively they will have come from the reflection and messages you received from your world when you were young.

Some are so integrated, a ‘matter of fact’, that we don’t even know where they come from. They just are. We don’t know why we believe them and hold on to them so tightly, in some cases, it’s even to the detriment of our own health and ability to access happiness. A lot of us go through life with the same set of values that we were given and if that idea sits well with you, you’re content, then you may be had some great values growing up.

We don’t know why we believe them and hold on to them so tightly. In some cases, it’s even to the detriment of our own health and ability to access happiness. A lot of us go through life with the same set that we were given. There is nothing wrong with that. If that idea sits well with you, then you maybe had some great values growing up.

What Changed?

At 19 I read a book by Fiona Harrold “Be your own life coach” apart really clicked with me. The idea that as a grown up, you can consciously decide your own values. That what you’ve taken to be gospel growing up, is no longer serving you. You are not stuck with what you’ve got. This was revolutionary to me. Constantly bombarded with messages of never being able to achieve, had lead me to subconsciously self-sabotage. It made achieving seem really difficult or completely out of reach. That day I changed my values. I went from “Life is a bitch & then you die” to “I’m really good at problem-solving and I enjoy helping people”. I went from “Trust them, they know better.” to “Show me the evidence so I can make up my own mind.” I went from “Money makes the world go round” to “Kindness matters”.

Making it real

With these new glasses, I had to make myself find evidence to make my new reality. Over the subsequent years, I had cut people out of my life who would only reinforce the old values. Taken on an “anything you can do, I can do better” (sang) attitude. Even in situations where the choice was old values or new values. I would remind myself why I decided to change. A decade on and I barely think about it anymore, my new values are part of me…if I go to the supermarket I’ll pick up Fair Trade over the cheapest. I won’t just take the information presented as fact at face value. Now I’ve plenty of evidence that I can achieve great things with very little effort.

A decade on and I barely think about it anymore, my new values are part of me. If I go to the supermarket I’ll pick up Fair Trade over the cheapest. I won’t just take the information presented as fact, given at face value. I have acquired plenty of evidence, that I can achieve great things with very little effort.

I’m writing this as it’s time for me to self-reflect. Identify some more dark hidden negative values that are still holding me back. Reprogram them into views that are of use to me; my family and in service to this Earth.